Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Randomize
