I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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