So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
