Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
operation harelip BJ is a go
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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