Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
