every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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