My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
