My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My vagina is officially offended.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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