At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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