So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
