I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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