we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
