Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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