I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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