I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
