I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
love makes seman taste better
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
