i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Found your dick twin last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
