So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
