When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
