i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
