the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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