He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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