He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
