After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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