She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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