eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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