too bad you live with your parents still
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
