Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
