I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
