woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
