I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
