my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
