I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
