i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
