dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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