if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
