a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
