i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
