I think i peed on brittanys purse
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
