just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is Oprah even human
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
