Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
