i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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