I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You made out with two different species that night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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