i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Terrible idea I love it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
