dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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