he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
