She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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