I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
