I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
