At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I won the penis lottery.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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