remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
