Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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