That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
