I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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