Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
