just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize