You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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