"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
