someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
