Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
