So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
tell your sister to shave her snatch
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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