My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
