He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
