Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
