Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My vagina is very pro this idea
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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