Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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