Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
