Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You took a bar mat shot.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
