So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
