JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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