did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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