I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
