Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
