More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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