Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am mentally ready for anal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
