he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
