dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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