hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
