Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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